Reciprocation not given

My "soaked in love hormones" brain still wants your reciprocation. It holds onto your memory SO badly. My counscious wants (always have) to keep you in the past, were the memory belongs. Your reciprocation to my feelings is a useless dream. I got NO power over your heart or mind. On days like these sadness and hopelessness take over. On top of it, you make public on Facebook your latest catch and those girls you currently got your eyes on. That's just annoying.

I wish I was less difficult to select possible mates. Years, I mean YEARS can pass by between guys I like that much. There's no middle point in this: either I feel extremely attracted to someone, or I just feel NO attraction. If I "kinda" like a guy, there's no way romance will happen. Yep, I tried once romancing with someone I "kinda" liked and didn't turn out well... I was lying, to myself and the guy.

There's no chance whatsoever for you to feel about me how I feel about you (you told me "It'd be "complicated"... first eufemism you used on me) This bugs me. It really shouldn't and I want to stop caring and wanting impossible things. 

I will ask you to marry me anyway... As part of my "life training", although I think I already know your answer.